{ DUALISTIC IN NATURE } Fear & Love

Well, here I am, writing to you all from Vancouver, 1 day before the launch of this blog. You may not know this, but living on the West Coast of Canada has been a steadfast dream of mine ever since the day I came home from New Zealand in 2010. Launching a blog and making a difference in this world has been a goal I have had for as long as I can remember. And here I am; cultivating dreams!

 I believe that life can be as magical as we want it to be. I believe that seeing the divine in life take conscious courage.  I believe that that the whispering, aching, longing feeling you have is the universe subtly trying to guide your heart to your life-purpose. And with all of that I believe that there is a silver lining to absolutely everything. We live in a world of duality and the full human spectrum of emotion is always a present. Suffering is un-avoidable. I feel elated and deeply excited about this next wild heated chapter of my life; and at the very same time, I also feel an intense mourning for the “death of my old self”, a sadness for the goodbyes I had to make, and a constant chatter of fear in my mind as I take this leap.

My experience over this past month has been filled with tears, goodbyes, hugs, cards, gifts and letters from family, friends and clients. I have been made to feel unbelievably loved, and I have seen peoples amazing true colours! I feel a satiating sense of gratitude for my tribe. It had not really hit me until last night, after our 14 hour drive through blizzards, rain, and icy roads, that the truck was not packed full with suitcases for a vacation, but rather every belonging we own because we were closing one chapter, and beginning a new one. It hit me like a ton of bricks and the emotions I feel right now are so varied. It’s going to be a process to get used to this change, and to establish some new roots – like all evolution requires.

 It is that chatter of constant fear, like a never ending high pitch ring in your ear or an un-scratch able itch that I really wanted to talk about this morning.  Jumping out of a predictable, routine driven life into a dream that my heart has been longing for took an intense amount of courage. For me, the pain of settling has always hurt me more than the pain of leaping. Leaping, for me has always been the only option.

I believe that as we leap into courage we inevitably and automatically strip down into the nudie toodie state of vulnerability and with that comes the persistent (and sometimes LOUD)  inner critic. The critic who says we will fail, the critic who says that we are not enough, the critic who tries to beat us into submission, tries to de-rail us from stepping into our magnificence. Brene Brown talks about this inner critic in her Ted Talks video; which I highly recommend you check out here. A course in Miracles refers to this inner critic as the ego; and in her poem called ‘Our Deepest Fear’ Marianne Williamson says it perfectly; “as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

 It is normal to have fear. It is normal to hear the voice of the critic. But what I am here to share, is that we are designed to face fear and pain; more importantly we are designed to overcome it. I truly believe that as we have the courage to face our own darkness, we begin to evolve, we begin to see the light; we become infectious and others automatically want to follow; they want to elevate their own lives – they see that they too have inner courage. By doing this, by taking leaps of faith we inspire each other. 

Your life is destined to be wonderful. Your life matters. Don’t ever let the inner critic knock you down to the point that you cheat the Universe of the chance to mount you with wings and watch you soar. You, my friend, are so marvelous – you don’t even know it! I see it in you.