I have spent enough time in the darkness. I have become accustomed to and very comfortable in the swamps. I sometimes observe myself wearing my wounds like cloaks, almost afraid of who I would be if I let them go. Who am I if not the women who can bare the darkness?
Who am I if I am not Kori who does the hard work, who buckles down, gets serious and gets the job done? Who am I if I am not reflecting deeply on the traumas of the world?
I have sat in the darkest places of my soul for many life times, I think I have found more comfort in the near death than I do in the full-of-life.
I have found more comfort in the spirit world than the human world.
I have wondered many times over if i let the pain go, will i be simultaneously letting the memories go? Will I forget the humans I love? Will I forget how to be unwaveringly true to my soul in the face of dark people? Is it safe to let it go?
I spent so many moons in this lifetime questioning my worthiness. So many hours looking at my own self in despair and disgust. I have exhausted the record of self-hatred. I have heard the voices calling me to something bigger, I have felt the pull of service and healing for all of my waking days, but I never felt the worthiness to stand up and be all the Kori that I am here to be.
Today I am different.
The darkness is over. The story is complete, the chalice has been drunk. The layers have been shed and the chords, cut. I have surrendered into the sacred feminine with fierce dedication for many, many moons. I have stepped into the power of vulnerability, faith and softness and through it I have rekindled my faith. I have re-found prayer.
In the moments of slowing down, I have found me. I have shed what I am “supposed to be” and discovered who I really am. I have discovered what I love, what makes me shine. I found me, and I fell in love.
I am letting go of what no longer serves me, including holding onto past pains in exchange for peace. I will never forget the lessons, but I am ready in the most authentic way to forgive all that happened. I forgive the timing, the situations and the people. I forgive myself. I honour who I was, even when it was temperamental and not-so-pretty. I honour it; all of it.
I am ready -- so ready -- to fly. To cut all the bullshit and all the heavy baggage that has weighed me down for far too long. I am glad I felt it, I am glad I got comfortable in it and I am glad that I chose to feel all the feels all the way. I learned alot. So much.
And now, it is time to burry it, deep within the earth. I would not be who I am today I had not encountered all of what I did. But now, I am ready to say good-bye. Good-bye to that which was. Goodbye to my masks and cloaks and darkness. I am ready to come to the light. To transcend this story into soul lessons of light and peace and love.
Today my work is light - not to be mistaken as easy - but, finally my darkness is over and I have come with certainty and faith to the light.
I am ready.
I am ready to fly.
And with that, so much is possible