I'm keeping this journal light today -- light and fun.
I need that.
After a week of really diving deep into my soul and looking with honesty at some of the traits I have and the habits I hold that no longer serve me + sitting down yesterday and reading 27 chapters of my own dark story, I feel that I could just use some lightness. Of course, my inclination is to get deep and thoughtful and dark while I 'process' it all like a bleeding soul and eccentric writer.
But, that is not good for me and this is my year of doing what I know if good for me.
Along with a week of emotional processing and surrendering into some truths of my life (that are not overly easy to accept) I focused on the detoxification in pieces of my environment; namely my closet. I have been working on this closet for a while now -- 3 purges of garbage bags to consignment and good will over the past few months and I am not even a clothing collector -- and I figured that there was really 'not much more to do'.
Well, low and behold, I was dead wrong.
Funny how that seems to be a theme -- I think I know best and life shows me something different. Based on this reoccurring theme, I am certianly finding the piece of surrender into my higher power and the bigger picture -- day by day -- easier as I get older.
Brittney is a good friend of mine and the owner of a business called Flopsy Life; she inspires people who do not feel as though the 'fit into this world' to cultivate intentional living -- she's fucking good at what she does. Anyway, so last week she came over for a closet consult in which I thought we would work for an hour max (becasue, remember, I didn't think I had much to cleanse -- we can't see our own shadow, can we? ... oh the metaphors in this are crazy to me).
She sat down on the floor while I made the 2 of us elixirs and pulled out her notes to ask me a series of questions,
'what's important to me when it comes to clothing' (my answer: that people do not die and clothing does not clog Mother Earth's landfills);
'what fabrics do I like' (my answer: I have no fucking clue);
'what colours do I actually wear' (my answer: black, grey, beige);
'describe my style in 3 words or less' (my answer: how about three paragraphs? this is a hard question -- I like things that do not match -- runners and feminine.... I'll settle on tomboy feminine)
I'm not going to lie, I have never thought so damn much about what I wear and why I wear it.
But why? How have I not thought of these things? What we wear is an expression of our souls; what we do not wear collects toxic energy in our homes; the garments we choose CAME FROM SOMEWHERE (ok, this is a part I have always thought about)... who is behind our clothing? What cost did the fast fashion garment cost -- ie: who dies to make it? What child sewed it? What impact will it have on our land and rivers? What farmer is getting sick from the GMO cottons they are working with? This shit is real. I know its hard to see in our privileged world, but this is the reality and burring our heads in the sand is unacceptable.
We need to think of these things, I do anyway. All the things in our homes and lives should have purpose, thought and intention put into it. Each moment and each object is an opportunity to connect to a bigger picture, to make a difference, to ground the self and to worship. For real.
Britt had a process -- she empties ALL the clothes from all the places where clothing is hidden, stored, hung and shoved into, including the closet, baskets, the dryer, the drawers and she tosses them into a heaping pile on the floor -- and the work begins.
Garment by garment I was to touch each one and figure out what sorts of feelings and memories are attached. If it was a sad memory it was gone. If it did not match the values I had expressed -- gone. If it was worn or too used or perhaps an item that was never, ever worn... gone. She placed it all into YES piles, NO piles and MAYBE piles. The NO pile was divided into consignment and good will (she also told me where to consign and she even took some items to sell herself -- becasue she is good at this). Once we completed round one, we started again. She combined all of the YES and the MAYBE and we dove in again.
I had piles and piles of lululemon workout wear (and I had gotten rid of a garbage bag FULL); she held me truly accountable with each item -- how much did I really need? How much was I actually wearing? At the end of our purge, I went from 2 drawers of CHAOS into one drawer of colour coded, rolled up neatly workout wear (if it were up to Britt, I would have eliminated even more).
The attachment we have to things is intense and the impact these pieces of stagnant energy or toxic memories is huge. It weighs us down, keeps us stuck and heavy and unproductive.
Not only that, but getting ready for me each morning is usually a night mare. I have no idea what looks good together and usually It's just a pile of overwhelm each day. My bedroom (on mornings that I actually try to look nice) turns into a war zone and I leave the house frustrated and deflated.
Fast forward THREE hours and Britt and I are finally hanging the clothes up -- of course she colour codes them and explains how each piece will work with one another. I have 1.5 garbage bags FULL of clothing for consignment-- how? Where the hell did that all come from?
& then there is more.
That night I received an email from her with the exact pieces I needed (+ where to get them; she literally sent me links with my size and colour) to put all the clothing together, included in this email was a list of potential matchings and outfits.
PLUS I am not allowed to (other than the few pieces she has suggested) buy any new items for the next month, I have to learn to live with minimalism as that was one of my goals.
It's just clothes you may think.
But, it's not.
My closet is an extension of my belief system, an outreach of my values and a source of either chaos or peace. I can not attain inner piece with a chaotic world -- no one can.
This experience has been humbling for me and a great lesson in simplicity and how I am showing up in my own life.
If we want to add the beauty into our lives including our goals and intentions and spiritual practices we simply must detox the energy leaks that do not serve us; we must let go in order to add in.
Our outer world is an exact reflection of what our inner world looks like -- if you want peace and your struggling to attain it, perhaps start by cleaning your house. Take out the garbage, keep up with the filing in the office, do not keep a "junk drawer", keep up with yard work and keep your car clean. You will be amazed at the impact of a clean and sacred space on your mindset.
I am turning every act I do into ritual and every room in my home and life into a sacred alter -- it creates worship in my mind and soul; thats what this life is for.