the {courage} to ease off

september was a beautiful month -- a busy and beautiful month. shane went back to his out-of-town-job and i spent the month diving -- with two full feet -- into career and self-care. i spent alot of time in my house cleaning closets, crafting food potions and preparing for the workshops and events that i led. it was full and wonderful and exhausting and beautiful and simultaneously grounding and unearthing. 

cleaning out my closet was an eye-opening exercise; i have never been a 'collector of things' and yet i had three full garbage bags of donations. part of what i am working on letting go of are the things in my space that hold stagnant energy -- things from past relationships and old chapters in my life. specifically i am working on detoxing and truly letting go of some of the toxicity that holds space in my heart and soul from the dark past relationship that i courageously left.  it was harder than i thought it would be and i shed more tears that i thought i would; but i am truly coming to a place of peace with my past -- it is such a slow journey and often intensely emotional for the trauma that was my story is sill pretty raw and shocking. 

part of my current healing plan is to avoid diving too deep. i have been steering clear of emotionally deep writing and focusing very much on the 'in-the-body and in-the-moment work'; this for me has been things like sweeping the floor, putting all of my laundry away, going to yin yoga classes, crafting food potions and staying surface level. seems boring, but it's helping me digest life's experiences. sometimes the brain and the heart work at different speeds -- often they do. part of me wants to dive deep, all of the time. part of me wants to swim in the darkness and stay in thought, intellect and contemplation for all of the hours of the day. diving deep is sooooo my jam! and then there is a part of me (the part i love to avoid) that wants to slow down, keep things simple and stay connected to the moment -- simple, steady, slow and (seemingly)..... boring. 

i'm learning that it is not boring and that, in fact, the in-the-moment actually offers the soul a depth that depth can not offer. its not something i know how to explain as the territory is very new to me. usually i love to live life swinging from one polar opposite to the next. its loud and wild and too be honest -- dramatic. the highs are very high but the lows kick me to the ground. the more i am waking up and the more i do my work the less i seem to be able to tolerate the lows, the hangovers and the depletion caused by frantic living. it robs me of much of my life force.

i have been experimenting with the 'boring living'.... ill come up with a better name as this place of power becomes more familiar to me -- but for now i call it the 'boring living' with all the respect i can articulate. 'boring living' to me is a yin yoga class vs. a high intensity training session; it is a night in with reishi tea and a good book vs. too much wine and extroversion; it is learning to have the courage to ease back on my schedule when it has become a little too frantic and busy. 

there is nothing wrong with too much wine, a high intensity workout, extroversion or a busy schedule; the point is to come to a deep understanding of self as to when we are out-of-balance and could use the medicine of moderation and 'boring living'.

after a month of some chaos -- the best kind of chaos -- i am dedicating october to leaning in with the season and slowing down. september was incredible and it was filled with some really amazing win's such as: 

- the start up of a new group of women for {a course in the ritual of self-care} tele-course -- ugh, this course LIGHTS MY SOUL UP!!!

- my first ever 'led on my own' self-care retreat -- which was WILDLY successful and soulful and unreal

- a collab with one of my fav humans (kelsey schivavon) where we led some wonderful souls through a 2 hour workshop on {a return to ritual} crafting food potions and DIY skin products and then we wrapped it all up with a community crystal bowl meditation

- i flew to BC last week to do a big self-care and nutrition presentation for the BC teachers federation -- this is work i am really, really proud of 

- i started school - an intro to traditional Chinese medicine 

- and of course i led my wonderful bootcamps five days a week 

overall, my soul is very full from this past month. and at the very same time i can feel the need to pull it in a little, plant some roots and also extend the roots i have planted into the soil even deeper. i can feel the need to slow down and catch my breath. i feel the need to allow the excitement and wins of the past month to be digested in my soul and brain and heart and my total being.

october is for moi.

it is a month for self-care.

i think it is so key as a healer (and for all humans who are in the business of inspiring wonderful self-caring lives) to take the time to re-ground, re-focus and fill up the tank so to speak BEFROE we get sick. i'm still going to be coaching and leading my tele-course and there are a few (really cool) workshops coming up this month but my main focus is this:

"boring living"; living in between the extremes of the pendulum that can swing all together to far. it's going to look very simple: reading at night, bone broth and warm meals, meditation, quiet weekends, lots of yoga -- yin-slow-moving-yoga -- the dog park, food crafting and saying NO to new projects this month! i'm going to make sure i take 1 or 2 days off per week this month instead of working all of the days and i am going to limit wine to 5 drinks for this WHOLE month.  i want to keep it slow and i know already this will be tough as my go-to is speed. 

digestion requires us to slow down. digestion of food, experiences, trauma, life, success, wins etc. is the same -- we must slow down, get grounded, place our hand on our heart and become connected to the moment and being that we are. we must learn to sit still in order for life to be understood, simulated and for growth to truly occur. 

in a world that prizes being busy, i have but one question for you:

do you have the courage to slow down, ease back and surrender?