The path less travelled;
the uncharted territories;
the Untraditional outlook….. the rebel of the societal norms. Mostly, I love that I think outside the box; mostly I can see it is a blessing.
…. But sometimes it is such a curse, or at least today it feels that way.
I wouldn’t want to change it, I value my ‘curse/blessing’, but today the load feels so dark, and so heavy on my heart.
Today the path less travelled feels so lonely. Today the desire to explore the uncharted territories feels isolating, and frightening.
Each step feels uncertain.
Each breath feels like a leap of faith.
Every movement forward requires the deepest faith I can conjure up.
Sometimes I just want to scream at the great universe,
“HELLO! Are you there?? I showed up. I’m here. Can you see me? NOW WHAT??”;
And often, I do yell that. Sometimes at the top of my lungs. Sometimes weeping in uncontrollable tears, like I did today – many times over.
Usually the response is stillness. It is peace. It is quiet. And I feel more overwhelmed, and more frustrated. Today is no different. Today I simply feel alone, frightened, and a little too small for the lofty goals I have. Today I wish I could crawl under a rock and hide, forever.
I know I wont.
I know I will conjure up the strength to carry on my journey with love and passion, I know deep in my heart that this is my calling, and that I am in the exact place I am meant to be in this exact moment. But authenticity tells me that it is ok to be where I am, and today I am lonely. Today I am scared. Today I am a little pissed at the fact that I showed up, and it took me every ounce of courage in my entire being to show up – and now I want to know what’s next. How the fuck am I supposed to take the next steps forward, and what are they?
And as usual, I hear:
So, today – in this moment, I will both shed tears of authenticity and simultaneously Thank the Universe in Advance for guidance, for abundance, for tribe, and for life purpose.
And I will hug Shane, and I will count my many current blessings as I sip wine at the base of my tree and play with my cute puppies.