december journal, entry {one}

I am changing gears here for the month -- this journal is going to be dedicated to the theme of CULTIVATING QI.

Say what? 

Something has shifted in me over the past couple of weeks -- I don't know what exactly it is, but there have been an undeniable number of "coincidences" with messages that mirror one another so closely, I can not ignore them. 

They are the messages reminding me to dream again, reminding to me to focus on increasing my vibrational frequency -- and CULTIVATING QI. 

As many of you know, the past few years of my life were very intense and much darkness was endured and faced and while I am incredibly grateful for every single one of the crevasse in my soul that I faced and experienced -- I am so ready to let the stories go. I have worked very hard at coming to a place of peace and contentment in my heart and yet -- in all honesty -- I find some of these stories to be on repeat, much like a broken record and the wild thing is that as I move through the story in my mind again and again it's just neutral -- I am not gaining anything from it nor is it triggering me or am I learning much. It is only holding me captive -- keeping me stuck.

The stories are over.

My lessons have been learned.

They need not define who I am any longer. 

It is time for something NEW. 

I can feel on so many levels that my awareness is raising, my clarity in thought is sharpening and my intuition is blossoming. I have become fiercely dedicated to the ritual of self-care and to being sure that my psyche is well loved and nourished and I have become totally fascinated with this experience we call life and how it unfolds in such a perfect way. 

I have dove deeply into the stores that hurt and held me back. I have spent many moons wadding in the pool of darkness as I try to surrender into the idea of nourishing that which shows up and I have learned an incredible amount. Many of the stories that I thought I would never ever be able to forgive -- I have. And, while I know that darkness will raise in my soul again and life will be challenging at times, I am ready to PLAY again. I am ready to LAUGH again. I am ready to focus on manifestation and creativity and cultivation of Qi. 

As always over here on this blog: I have no idea what it will look like. 

October was for BORING and I found magic. I found the need to quit drinking, I found the divinity in feeling all of my feels and truly slowing down. I found a space that I had resisted for so long that actually turned out to be a huge gift. I LOVE boring. 

November I focused on letting go and forgiveness while incorporating boring and while much of the actual experiences I chose not to document here but rather process and digest inside of my own soul -- I found so much forgiveness. I found compassion and patience like I did not know I had. I found that what used to trigger me no longer does and I found that I am capable of handling anything that shows up with WAY MORE GRACE than every before.  

& so i explore yet another month with another theme -- one that is way out of what I have been accustomed to practice -- CULTIVATING QI. and RAISING MY VIBRATION. 

Stay tuned, this month will be filled with some twists and turns of magic, I have no doubt.