forgive yourself for not being at peace

I was asked to blog about this powerful quote (a quote posted by: M_EYE_ND) – and although I have no idea what I will write about, I am compelled to drop everything on my ‘to-do’ list this morning, and write.

What a powerful quote, this hits my heart so deeply; it puts a lump in my throat – its like it is an arrow and my heart is the bull’s-eye… do you feel it? Does it sting? Does it hit ya, right in all your feelers?

What do this even mean, really?

“Forgive yourself”. Ok. We will start with that.

When I think of forgiveness, I think of the word compassion and surrender. I don’t mean surrender as in, “giving up” – I believe surrender is one of the most courageous things that we can ask of our hearts. Surrender means that we let go of the battle, we let go of the need to control the outcome – we let go of perfection, and we melt into what is here and now.

I once had a client, who had been diagnosed with breast cancer; our coaching conversations took on a great new tone. At 1st, like many; she was ready to “fight the cancer”, she was prepared for battle. I asked her what it would be like for her to “surrender” to her body, and her diagnosis. Like many, she interpreted that as ‘letting the cancer win’, she thought it meant ‘giving up’. But that is not what I meant by surrender. What I meant was leaning into the wisdom of what her body was communicating to her. I meant surrender in the sense of deeply loving her human self, her spirit, and her temporary symptomatic body with compassion, acceptance, and gratitude rather than with the gripping, willful, ‘need to fight the battle’.

We are always so ready for the battle. The battle against weight. The battle against self-love. The battle against health. We are always ready for the battle, we are always ready to fight – fight for control, for perfection, fight for our dreams, and fight for forgiveness ….. What if it’s not about a battle?

What if life is actually a divine network of communication? What is illness is the soul’s way of communicating to us through the use of symptoms in the body? What if depression is the spirits way of saying to us that how we are doing things, isn’t the best way for our hearts? What if being all fucked up and a mess of a human is the universes way of pushing us towards something bigger, something more meaningful, and something more in alignment with our human souls? What if our darkness is essentially leading us to our light?  What if the darkness is necessary?

Can you accept that? Can you be a little more easy on yourself, knowing that where you are at is all part of the bigger picture to your personal story and evolution?

So, there is that. There is surrender – melting into the ‘what is’, with compassion, acceptance and knowing that life will continue its infinite ebb and flow, and nothing is permanent, and you will see the light, again.

And then there is compassion. Compassion means that we are not perfect, and we accept ourselves anyway. Compassion means that we treat our apparent fucked up, mess of a human self just like we would treat a young, innocent, 6 year old version of yourself that messed up…. We would hug them. We would care for them. We would nurse them back into courage and bravery, to try again. To show up with a twinkle in there eye, and try again. Compassion means we consciously let go of perfection. We understand that life is hard, and being human can be a real tough challenge – and we can see that we do the very best we can, with the knowledge that we have. Hind site is always 20/20 and it is always easy to look back on mistakes or choices we make and see that we would now do them differently – that is evolution. Yay, you’re a better human today than you were yesterday…. BUT, yesterday, you did the best you could. Yesterday you didn’t have the capacity or the wisdom that you do today.

Be soft on yourself, you’re walking a big walk. Your human self has been called to conquer some big lessons, in this lifetime. And no one gave you a manual. And no one will save you. And no one can walk the walk for you. No one can learn your lessons, or take your pain away – and no one can tell you how to do it on your own. Don’t you see, darling, that you’re actually doing a really good job? You are. Be nice to yourself. Your human, that means you going to mess up – that is the nature of being human. But the nature of your soul is to forgive yourself, to have compassion, to surrender.

And then there is Peace. Lets talk about that.

What does peace mean? That’s a good place to start. Peace does not mean perfection. Peace does not mean that your mind only thinks bubbly, happy thoughts. Peace does not mean that when you sit down to meditate, you have no thoughts and you feel enlightened. Peace means that life continues to go on – in all of its glory – darkness, light, ups, downs, abundance, scarcity…. It continues to dance it’s dualistic dance.

But finding peace, for us humans, means that we are able to dance the dance with life.

Sometimes we lead.

Sometimes we follow.

But we learn to never be attached to the outcome. We no longer cling. We can see the darkness roll in, and rather than fight it, or run from it – we melt into it, with self-care. We can see the light roll in, and again – we do not cling, for we know ‘this too shall pass’ – like all things. And we melt into the light with deep self-care. Our self-care looks different as different phases approach us – but the constant is that we are always prioritizing self-care, compassion, softness, forgiveness and surrender.

So yeah; “Forgive Yourself For Not Being at Peace” – you’re human, and you are doing the very best that you can. With each moment that life hands you, take a breathe, and hold some compassion to your heart knowing that you are showing up, you are here, you are trying… you are worthy. Surrender into the ‘what’s here’, with deep acceptance and self care – you wont always be where you are at right now. And for heavens sakes drop the insane need to be perfect – especially you women. It’s not attainable. Perfection is a mess, that’s the beauty of it.

You’re already wonderful. You’re already worthy. You do not need to too be anything, accomplish anything, or do anything to attain worthiness – you already ARE worthy. Practice kindness to you, you deserve that.