j o u r n a l t h r e e | LOVE

I’ve always believed in love; romantic love; world love; self love; friendship love; pooch love; I love love.
Life has offered me a million opportunities to shut down; a hundred and one chances to say ‘fuck you love’. 
Love has tricked me, betrayed me, broken my trust, shattered my heart, & left me nearly lifeless. 
But I love love, & loving is so important to me. 
I didn’t want to shut down, turn my heart off, or become cold & bitter. 
I want to love, but each time I tried, I was met with partners who were not truthful, had not dug deep into the soul & ‘done the work’; 
in all fairness I suppose those painful experiences were reflections of where my wellness resided, and I attracted sickness partly because I, myself, was in fact sick. 
I worked on my wellness, & the clouds began to part after I truly & whole heartedly gave myself to the heavens. & as they parted this man stood in the sunlight with his kind heart, big smile, & never-ending patience; 
& you what he told me? 
He said, “kori I know your heart has been broken, & I do not expect you to freely give me trust”; 
& he said something I’ve never heard before, 
he said, 
“let me prove myself, I want to earn your trust.” 
... this man wanted to earn it, he was (& continues to be) willing to show up & prove his honesty, love, & loyalty. 
I’ve been blown away daily by this man’s desire to prove himself. 
& I’ve been blown away at the level of honesty he shows up with, & his capacity to hold space for me to both fall deeply in love, & process my painful past. 
This man genuinely cares, deeply cares. 
He has taught me an enormous amount about partnership, patience, love, honesty, support, and loyalty. 
My only real idea of pure loyalty comes from border collie, Atreyu, but this beautiful human showed me what loyalty looks like from a partner, he grabbed ahold of my hopeful but broken heart, & he said
“I will prove loyalty”. 
A concept I had not known before. 
I always thought I had to blindly give my trust, & I tossed it out to all the wrong places. This time, because of this man’s wisdom, I’ve held my trust close & only given it out as it was earned. 
I had no idea that this level of support was real, nor did I know that it would exist for me. 
I am blown away. 
Totally humbled by this capacity of love. 
Here’s the thing, we live a life, & we have a million opportunities to shut down & day “fuck this shit”, but what happens when we push through, when we give it another chance? 
What happens when we choose to remain soft, and trusting? 
There is no guarantee; but I’m glad I stayed open. 
I said it from the start, I proclaimed it from my darkest days, & I still mean it.... I CHOOSE LOVE. 
Over & over again, I choose love. 
Love wins. 
My very 1st tattoo, my most important value: LOVE WINS.

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