november journal, entry {eight}

This morning I awoke, as we all did, to some of the scariest news I have seen in my lifetime -- trump as president. I can not stop crying. I have never cried over an election in my life but this feels too big to ignore. I suppose I am in disbelief that hate actually won; perhaps I am in disbelief because the reality of the rose coloured glasses I wear has become all to real -- is the lens I see the world from really that different? 

I'm at a loss for words this morning -- this is killing my heart. This makes me want to run away, hide and never have children. It makes me feel a loss of hope. It makes me feel like all of the movement we have had towards equality and love doesn't matter. It makes me wonder if love will in fact win? In makes me feel as though I am caught in a viscous nightmare -- one that I can not wake up from, one where I have such hauntingly real memories of a time of peace and love. 

First of all I can not wrap my head around the fact that hatred and racism and bulling even exist, I can't. The fight for equality has always baffled me -- how did we ever find ourselves in a position where inequality was a thing? Who made this insane choices that love looks one way, that there is only one path to god, that man and woman are somehow a different scale and the colour of our skin determined some sort of deranged pecking order. How? I can't wrap my head around the original dysfunction of it. 

And now we have a human who is running one of the most powerful countries in the world who is a bully, a racist, a womanizer and an advocate for hatred. Today hate won -- I am in disbelief. Today the majority of Americans -- by ever so slightly -- voted for fear and hatred -- how?

HOW IS THIS HAPPENING?

But here is the thing -- we will not fall; hate will not triumph in the end. We will rise, I know it with all of my heart. This is the end of something; all things must end to make way for the birth of something new. This system of hatred will crumble, it is not sustainable -- in the meantime while the foundation of the old cracks and darkness prevails -- temporarily -- we must be the light on the sidelines. We must be the warriors who do our work day by day and moment by moment. Love will win -- it is designed to win. We are designed for this. 

We have too - we simple must -- show up in our lives day to day and say to the world with all of our mite that we we believe in the promise of a better tomorrow. We must show up and use our voices and stand up for what we believe in. We must -- we simply must -- begin to recycle, compost, stand up for the voiceless, eat whole foods, save our fucking bees, support our brothers and sisters and return to a more simple way of doing things. We need to wake up and see the ripple of our choices. We have got to learn to respect Mother Earth and recognize that we fucking need her and all of her beautiful creatures. We have got to surrender -- we have got to pray -- we have got to act. We have got to see that we are part of the bigger whole and that light always overcomes darkness. We have to light candles for the world and we have too -- we simply must -- celebrate LOVE. 

We have to spread this thing called LOVE like wild fire. We have to be bold in our stance for equality and for the healing of the planet. We have got to fucking hold hands and come together as one giant human tribe -- the haters can hate ... but what about the rest of us? What about us free thinkers, us movers and shakers? What about those of us that celebrate differences and see that love is fucking love and comes in all of the forms? What about those of us that have been fighting for equality? Those of us that have been worshiping the yin and that yang -- the feminine and the masculine? What about those of us that have been working tirelessly to take steps inward to the beating of our hearts and to the healing of our globe?

Is this going to stop is? 

FUCK NO. 

Is this going to hold us back?

FUCK NO. 

This makes us louder. This makes us choose love 1000% of the time. This makes us stronger. This unties us. 

This morning I lit candles. I cried. I saged. I chased the sun set down to pray and say: make me an instrument of peace -- use me, I surrender. 

Let's do this people. Lets fucking come together. If there was a time in history that we can do it -- today is it. Today is the day to honour the earth, today is the day to celebrate each other, today is the day to hold our heads high and our sweaty palms tight and our hearts forward a we march boldly towards love. 

Love Wins. period.