november journal, entry {nine}

Sometimes I feel so stuck in life -- like it's not moving fast enough; the goals are not manifest quick enough and I wonder if I should just throw in the towel and start again with a dreaded 9-5. Security. Routine. Stability.

Sometimes I want all of the answers. I know in my brain and with all of the cognitive logic I have that life requires patience and that at no point will a scroll ever fall from the sky with clearly stated "Rules for Living Life 101". I know I need to practice what I preach -- one foot and then the next. I know the art of being in the moment -- in this moment  everything is well and good -- but does that negate the worry that I feel when I get swamped down in the "what that fuck are you doing kori?"?

When we are in the moments -- the moments of doubt and worry and anxiety, the moments that fill us to the brim with fear, the moments that feel like we are banging our heads against a brick wall and making it no where fast -- these are the moments that life is calling us to drop the ores and settle into the now taking a deep breath and looking at just how fucking far we have actually come. C.S Lewis had it right with these powerful words,

"Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different?"

I know it is sickly cliche to say but life is truly not about the destination, it is in fact everything to do with the dance -- the movement -- the journey. 

So here is what I do when I get bogged down in these places of ego-fuck scarcity -- I look back on the past one year of my life. All though my actual journal's I have year re-caps that usually have nothing to do with Jan 1 and everything to do with my moments of doubt and my need to stop, slow down and connect with the journey. Wherever you are I encourage you to do this.

Look at the date and think back to where you were one whole year ago. What were you doing? What were you dreaming of? What goals were on your table? What were you struggling with? What were you in love with? Get a clear idea and then -- month by month, write a recap.

Here's my year:

Nov 10 2015:

Moved back to Calgary.

- October was a big month for me as I ran (co-lead) my first ever retreat which was a dream come true and a wild success.

- I decide to "tell my story" with a  blog post -- I get realer and rawer than ever in my life -- the feedback takes me two days to go through -- email after email and I learn that this is a story that must be told and shared

- I decided in October to get really clear on what my work is on this planet, what my why's are and what my mission statement looked like. I believe in darkness -- the divinity of darkness -- I believe in holding unconditional space for humans to show up and simply be ... human. I am rebellious by nature -- an advocate for Women, Earth and Human Rights -- a voice for the voiceless. I built a business off of these values -- I do not just coach anyone, I am picky and there are specific people I want to work with. I jumped in with two feet.

- November I had no clients, only an idea for a business and a mission statement.

December 2015: 

Not much happened -- still building and honing in on my message

January 2016:

- Clients start rolling in -- six new one on one clients sign up for coaching.

Kelsey and I host our first workshop together -- The Goddess Night In -- two workshops sell out within a week of launching

February 2016:

- Clients signing up has no become the norm -- one on one coaching is one of my absolute favourite things to do

- I dedicate Monday's to writing my book

March 2016:

- Bootcamp starts up again -- 15 people sign up

- Mondays are still book writing days

- BC Teachers Federation calls me and asks me if I would be interested in a) presenting at their summer conference and b) creating programs and presentations for 2017

April 2016:

- Co-led my second wild-woman retreat in YIMIR BC at Logden Lodge

- One on One clients still filtering in

- Bootcamp round two begins

- Still writing my book and making fast progress

May 2016:

- I launched my first ever tele-course {a course in the ritual of self-care}, 35 women sign up!!!!!!

- One on one coaching tuesday's and thursday's

- Book writing monday's

June 2016:

- same as may plus I am now prepping for my BC Teachers talk in Kamploops BC in August

July 2016:

Book is complete -- I am now in the throws of PTSD and handling it with zero grace, darkness takes over and I pull back on the reins -- no more new clients until september, no more writing -- I take the summer to heal and recharge

August 2016:

- Fly to Kamloops to present for BC Teachers

September 2016:

- I launch the 2nd {a course in the ritual of self-care} and another 35 women sign up!!!!

- I ran my first solo created retreat for the wild women in Revelstoke BC -- this retreat sold out in 48 hours -- I am deeply proud

- I am asked to present for the BC teachers again -- I fly to BC for a day to present my work to a room filled with teachers

- head back to school one night a week -- An Intro to Traditional Chinese Medicine

October 2016:

- Collab with Kelsey & Crystal Bar Soap to gather the women for an afternoon {potion party} -- 18 women show up and we crafted all afternoon -- running workshops is one of my most fav's!

- Hire an editor. wow.

- one on one coaching & the tele-course are taking up my time in the best way possible  

November 2016:

- Pull in the reins once again to focus on my book, the revamp of the tele-course launching in January and a few one on one clients


Throughout the Year my work gets featured in a few places that make me really proud:

1. House of Citrine 

2. Dote Magazine 

3. Breezus Lives  

4. Flopsy Life

5. Sabat Magazine (you will have to purchase the magazine to see my work being featured) 


All in all -- once this practice is done it's a little more like... fuck off ego, things are going to be A-ok. Try this practice and tell me what you think.