Today I am talking to you about something that is near and dear to my heart and soul, something that I believe saved my life and something that continues to play an integral role in elevating my life, and the world’s – Tribe.
Human beings are hard wired for connection, we are designed to work with one another, to support each other, to love each other, to elevate one another, to hold each other up when life is dark and to hold hands and dance and laugh when life calls for celebration. I believe this is true for all humans, but especially for women.
Ladies – we are designed to love each other. We are in this thing called life, together.
I think we have swung from a real tribal mentality filled with support, nurture, and love - to a catty, bitchy, competitive, isolated mindset. Women are prone to hating on one another, gossiping and talking badly. I think this is one of the saddest parts of femininity right now. We need to heal this, NOW.
It was only a few short years ago, that I, myself – the Tribe Advocate – had no tribe. I didn’t have many close friends in my life – I didn’t have women I would call on when I was low, or celebrate successes with when I was proud. I didn’t have women who I looked up to, or wanted to be like – I just had not thought of it, I had placed no importance on it.
I remember when this all started to change: It was the dark breakup I went through. The breakup happened, and I had no idea what to do - a tiny little whisper of a voice told me “Call Kim”.
Ok, so Kim was one of my bootcampers at the time – she and I had never really been ‘friends’ outside of bootcamp, so calling her was a little out of the blue, and rather uncomfortable. But I did it anyway. I awkwardly texted her and told her what happened – and BAM, the next thing I knew I was living in her basement, in my own little suite and her and I were spending each and every night nursing my soul back to health over runs, wine, heart to hearts and plenty of tears.
It was with Kim, that I learned fully heartedly what unconditional love meant. She loved me no matter what. She was (and still is) unconditionally supportive to me. She taught me what true friendship was – she was the queen of girlfriends – she was even part of a dress club!! I had no idea that this existed, nor did I understand the power of a tribe of women until I met Kim.
At this same time I had a friend named Andrea who constantly reminded me: “Kor, you can’t see the forest when you’re stuck in the trees”. She reminded me that she, as my friend, could see the forest and she knew, with her birds eye view that things would be ok. I had to learn to trust her. And now, looking back, that statement has never been so powerful – it is your tribe that will see the forest when you are lost in the trees, your tribe will be your light out of darkness.
Back in these days when I started exploring my concepts of ‘tribe’, I would write notes in my phone called:
“Women I admire” or “My Tribe” and my list would look like this:
- Brene Brown
- Marianne Williamson
- Louise Hay
- Alice in Wonderland
I picked women on my list who had characteristics that I admired:
- Female Leaders
- Self Knowing/Loving/Caring
These were characteristics that at the time I wish I had, characteristics that I wanted to develop. When I was lonely I would reach out to Kim and Andrea – normally when I was lonely or down I would isolate – but I knew that tribe was something I really, really wanted to cultivate. So I shared my story, I received nurturing from other women. I also would find that at low times I would consult my list of powerful women – how would Brene Brown move through heartache? What would Louise Hay do in my shoes? How would Alice in Wonderland cope in this situation?
Cultivating Tribe was my version of sewing the broken pieces of my heart back together.
I now know the type women I want to be around, and when I find them I make a point to courageously tell them I adore them and want to be their friend! Legit – it is not uncommon that when I meet a soul sister I boldly ask them “Will you be my friend?”.
What was a make believe list of my tribe, has now actualized in this existence and I am proud to say that my tribe is filled with some of the strongest, most powerful, rooted, grounded, creative, expressive, Goddesses I have known – and the beautiful thing: the Tribe keeps getting bigger and bigger. We are holding hands and elevating one another, we are introducing each other, we are acting as lights in a dark world and I believe we are healing ourselves, each other and the planet.
A tribe, to me, means a soulful connection in which we see one another. We see each other’s potential, fears, ego, darkness, light and drama. We sense when each other is down and we come together and pick each other up. A tribe holds the space to connect and to heal. We celebrate together, we run tough mudders, we sweat at bootcamp, we take photos together, we drink wine, we cry, we share our fears, we have babies, we heal broken hearts, we speak our truth, we learn boundaries, we defend one another, we protect each other, we hug, we connect, we have coffee dates, and dancing dates, we brainstorm and help each other in careers and projects, we share each others work with the world, we are proud of each other, we rest together and get creative together.
We love each other.
This past weekend I spent my Friday night, and all day Saturday with 2 Goddesses that I am more than happy to say that I have fallen deeply in-love with. Kaihla and I met in Dec for a boho free spirit session – I knew even via FB messages that this woman and I were destined to be soul sisters – we had an amazing connection, as if I knew her for years. She introduced me to Teresa (who is now our wedding photographer) and I met her for the 1st time on Friday night at Corbeaux, again – instant bond.
The 3 of us spent the whole weekend laughing so hard our faces hurt, we cried out of laughter, we shared our time and our souls and I believe that connection will elevate our world – because now we are tribe members, and now all of Kaihlas tribe, and Teresas tribe, and my tribe is ONE and suddenly us women are learning to LOVE ONE ANOTHER.
And so I say it again – a Tribe is healing. Find yours. Be brave enough to tell another beautiful Soul that you felt a connection, and see where it goes. Let’s heal this world. I think our Great Mother Earth would be really be really proud of us, if we could learn to hold hands and dance under the moon in love and laughter.
If you liked this blog on tribe, I know you will love Kaihla's words on tribe too!!