I have entered into what feels like the swamps of the soul again, only this time its not so dark and out of control. On one hand I feel my roots are sinking in deeply. I feel a pull from the forest to learn about the moon, the seasons and the cycling wild nature of being female. On the other hand I feel uprooted, alone and lost. I feel that I am having a dreadful time catching my footing. I’m struggling with a routine, and I’m missing my tribe more than words can say. Simultaneously I feel a deep sense of calm gratitude for the loud solitude of the magic place I live. I feel gratitude in the sense that I get to live in a humble and wonderful part of the planet with the man I love more than anything. And my dogs, my cute little dogs, Merlot and Newman.
One lesson, that has become very clear to me, that I can share however amongst this strange and dualistic place I once again find myself is this:
It is a gift to be on this planet. As the days pass living in the forest I find myself increasingly interested in way the forest seems to speak its own language. There is no doubt in my mind that the vast amount of life out here has a deep and intimate language that it speaks to each other. The trees and rocks and moss are not just a silent part of Mother Nature – they all carry about them a wisdom that is beyond human comprehension, a wisdom that I believe runs directly into the centre if eternity. At 1st I felt as though I lived in a country where I could not speak the language – I felt isolated and scared. Now, something has shifted and I am deeply fascinated in observation and gratitude. Mother Nature does not need us, we on the other hand do need her. Our entire survival depends on her. We need her plants, her creatures, and her divine wisdom - we owe it to the Great Mother to not only learn to honor our own hearts, but also to honor the phases of the moon and the living life that she has gifted us the chance to co-exist with.
I started this intense interest in femininity 2 years ago, it was at that point that I fell in love with the idea of being a witch, and the concept of living in the forest. As time passes I am seeing that I am not only increasingly interested in these topics, but that I am being drawn to unexpected literature and courses, and people are even unknowingly gifting me objects and books that are strangely close to this path I feel pulled on. There is a theme, a parallel that I struggle to explain, a parallel tat is too loud to ignore. I was gifted ‘Healing Wise’ by Susan S Weed by one of my fellow witch Goddess friends – I devoured the book, I loved the nutrition in it, but even more so I adored the Wise Woman Tradition that Susan talks about. Another dear friend told me that she could see me as a doula – a doula…. I mean, I used to be the most unconventional un-motherly type person – ever. Now, the thought of this type of learning feeds my soul, excites me and deepens my purpose. As this Goddess concept evolve in my heart, and the forest speaks to my soul I find that every book that comes my way speaks to me of this interesting language. Currently I am devouring ‘Women Who Run With Wolves’ by Clarissa Pinkola Estes; and ‘Mooon Mysteries – Reclaiming Womens Mestraul Wisdom’ by Nao Sims & Nikiah Seeds – the parallels between these 2 total random and unheard of books that I grabbed from a magical bookshop 2 weeks ago are eerie and haunting. There is no doubt to be the life is speaking to me on a deep level at the moment. I am more connected to spirit that I have been in a long time.
I saw a post on Facebook the other day about the killing of 200 wolves to save the caribou – a short sited solution, if you ask me. The odd thing is that, sure, this sort of news would normally not make me thrilled – however, reading about a wolf is not something that would have normally caught me attention. But in both books I am reading, ironically on the same day both started talking about the parallels between the feminine wild heart and the passionate, loyal, joyful, angry, playful, protective wolf. I had never taken the time to get to know the creates of the woods, and now that these concepts have been introduced to me in this way I feel a sense of shame that I never took the time to care. Shane and his best friend, KC and I were ‘float fishing’ the other day – the win was out, the sky was blue and the ocean was calm, it was still, it was like a still lake rather than an ever moving ocean. IN the calmness it was easy to look around and to see that the ecosystem of this planet has its own divine rules, roles and regulations. It was clear to see that we are the ones that do not need to be here – this planet works without us. We need this stunning and beautiful planet, and every one of her creatures. I am becoming increasingly fascinated with the divine wisdom that is held in the mycelium, the trees, the roots, the flowers, water, animals and bugs of this globe. I’m also in a state of awe at how he universe communicates with us – right now she is drawing me to the most interesting books, friends, and courses with the most interesting parallels and all the while I feel her communicating with me on a deep soul level.
So although I may feel uprooted, frustrated and ungrounded – I also feel deeply guided – like all of this is very much on purpose.
Growth is not an easy process. I always think about how painful it must be to be a snake and shed its skin off of its own body! Or how absolutely terrifying it must be to be a caterpillar and know that it is to build a cocoon and then morph 1st into MUSH before it then painfully and slowly grows its beautiful wings. The process of evolution takes time. It can be painful. It requires trust. It requires patience. And so once again I am reminded to Slow Down. I am reminded to cultivate trust, and patience. I am reminded that being in a state of faith will be deeply nourishing to my soul. I am dedicated to living the most wild and authentic hearted way my spirit knows how.