march journal {two}: willingness

what a journey; this whole thing called life. 

it's been such an intense journey for so many years. 

so much depth -- depth i didn't even know i had, wounds i didn't know i was capable of enduring & pains so deep i'm surprised any of them mended. 

you have heard me say it a millions times over... it almost killed me, that darkness almost took me whole. 

but it didn't. 

i chose -- by whatever grace of a higher power that watches me -- to keep.on.going. 

i chose to sit with the emotions, i chose to continue to show up for the work & i chose to pick me as a priority with the intention that eventually i would have something more to give. 

i am so happy to say that i am finally shedding that layer of my story; that layer of myself. 

i am whole hearedly experiencing what it feels like to be in alignment. 

it's not all joy right now. in fact as this next veil lifts i've found it to be rocking my perceptions & leaving me grasping my broken & simultaneously excited heart. 

i feel excited. 

i feel entirely filled with hope & faith. 

my world is alchemising right before my very eyes. 

it took immense amounts of work & it continues to. 

but, as mu sponsor told me today, "you hold the biggest key to recovery: WILLINGNESS".

i do have that. 

i am willing to walk through burning coals for my souls growth. 

i am willing to do whatever it takes to recover in any capacity that my soul needs. 

& i am reaping the rewards. 

today i crafted food with blasting rave music & i was deeply & contently in my element. 

for this journey... i am so fucking grateful.