I am really at a loss for words tonight, I feel like I want to write, but I feel like no words do what I feel any sort of justice. My mood can best be summed up by the fact that I headed out on a run (1st run in 21 weeks!) and the feeling was so brilliant, the sun was so lovely, the music was so good, the gratitude was flowing so deeply that I ended up running, and running, and running …. and forgetting to turn around + ultimately getting lost and having to be rescued by Pika. I mean, honestly by the time I saw his car pull up in rescue I had found my bearings and was close to home, but it was appreciated nonetheless, plus he showed up with chocolate.
My cravings for food have returned to something somewhat normal; like wanting chocolate and loving veggies. I’ve been enjoying cooking once again, and my mood for the past week or more has been elevated substantially. I’m officially in a spot of looking back on the 1st 18 weeks of this journey with a tinge of pain as I reflect on the depth that it startled and rattled me - truthfully the 1st 18 weeks of pregnancy sent me to such a dark and mentally unstable place (not to mention, brutally sick as well!) that I thought my sanity had regressed to where it was pre-sobriety + pre-therapy, and nothing scared me more. I am so grateful that today my thinking was more balanced, my outlook a little clearer, and my faith a little more rooted.
And another fairy cool thing - this babe has been bustin’ moves like mad for the past 48 hours. She is dancing, or flipping, or tossing out fierce little kicks all night long. I can feel it, Pika can feel it when he places his hand on my belly, and it’s just a wild feeling. I wasn’t sure I would like it, I wasn’t sure it wouldn’t just creep me out; but it seems to have the opposite effect on me, I like it, I feel like it’s playful, it’s connecting me more to this teeny tiny human.
That’s all I have today.
Nothing profound, just a pile of gratitude for such a brilliant run, endless mounds of chocolate and tiny little baby moves from inside the womb.
What a life.
only love, - k xoxo