2 5 w e e k s + 3 d a y s

So the human body is amazing. 
My boobs have quadrupled in size;
my belly is home to another human; 
hormones took over and I’m pretty sure tried to leave me for dead ... but they didn’t. 
I lost so much of who I thought I was, 
+ the unraveling continues. 
Stripped bare, right to the bones.
Peeled away like an onion - layer by layer. 
This process of pregnancy reminds me of the journey of sobriety, it reminds me of every dark night I’ve ever been through, it reminds me of what it’s like it’s like to burn to the ground + rise from the ashes. 
This is the journey that happens when the warrior answers the call; 
we 1st hear the buzz of the call, some may try to avoid the inevitable answering of the souls yearning, and then the stripping away begins. 
We lose what we thought we were, 
what we thought we believed in. 
We loose humans in our lives, 
the social structure changes, 
faith changes, 
perspective shifts. 
And alas nothing is as it was. 
All new. 
All foreign, and strange, and oddly beautiful. 
24 weeks into the hell-hole of a journey I think the gift of surrender hit me like a bazillion bricks across the head. 
No kori, it won’t always be this way - nothing in life is static. 
And also, 
Yes kori, this is the pose of the now. 
Today requires slowness, surrender, prayer. 
It requires nourishment and for me to let go of what I thought the journey should have looked like as I fall deeply into the realities of what it does look like. 
It’s the same as what sobriety was, 
it’s the same as what the crawl out of mental chaos and depression was, 
it’s the same process that I used to heal my heart after I was hit with the deepest grief. 
This is the journey of the death-birth-death-birth cycle. 
As I move through the intensity of emotional ups and downs, I find it utterly magnificent that my humans body continues to do what it needs to do: plumping boobs, growing baby, switching food cravings, dictating energy levels - all of this happened without my control. 
And that is a miracle.