1 7 w e e k s + 1 d a y

I continue to speak with fierce honesty about my human experience because it is healing for me to share and I kid you not, every.single.time I share the shadow side someone reaches out and says "me too."

That someone who says "me too" usually failed to have the vocal ability to share their experience - out of shame, fear, guilt.

It is almost as if it is only acceptable to share our human journeys if they are tightly wrapped in a bow if they are easy to be shared if they ensure the comfort of all who bare witness. We seem to only be allowed to share the experiences that fit the model of how we "should" feel - grateful, happy, lovely.

My truths are raw, they are often deeply uncomfortable to share + to hear; I know my truths make others squirm. I also know that my truths are the same truths so many others have, I just happen to be born into a soul that refuses to stay quiet - I seem to have been programmed to share.

Yesterday I used the word 'hate' to describe my feelings toward the experience of pregnancy.

I know, I know, the world thinks 'hate' is awfully strong, and the world likes to tell us to 'tone it down', 'make it easier to hear'.

This morning a woman suggested that I walk through the neonatal unit, she suggested that 'hate' is a strong word and that although she admires me, she was praying that 'my mindset changes'.

Nothing like a good dose of shaming our fellow humans for the truth they experience.

If I am at the dinner table and I am full, me choosing to ignore my human experience of 'full' to 'eat my plate because there are starving children in the world' makes no sense. Me being full does not take away from my compassion for others, or my gratitude for what I have on my plate.

Me hating the experience of pregnancy doesn't take away my connection to god, it doesn't diminish my value as a woman and a mother-to-be, and it certainly doesn't negate my gratitude.

So here is the thing:

We all walk a human path, and that path is not always lined with ribbons, and cotton candy, and sweet little elves of positivity. Sometimes our path is shrouded in darkness, pain, despair. Sometimes 'hate' is a perfectly perfect way to describe the path.

Please do not sit back on the throne of your own values, hopes, fears, experiences + self-righteous attitudes and judge someone else's human experience.

We all have a right to feel exactly as we feel and the level of shame for one another's human experience has got to diminish if we are to heal as a whole.

I stand by 'hate' as my current experience, and I am here to tell you that when I 'love' I will stand by that with just as much fierceness. It might be dark right now, but that doesn't mean I need to shrink my experience to make you comfortable.

This is what my human path looks like right now.


only love,

k